“Sonder, noun: (1) the sudden and profound realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own (2) a new production by the Circus Foundry” Sigmund Freud diagnosed all women as having penis envy. I would disagree with this, but I do confess to having a serious case of circus envy. I wish I were super good at the circus arts. I wish I could toss my body around on every aerial apparatus like a ragdoll. I wish I could juggle dozens of oddly-shaped objects with grace and alacrity. I’d love to bend myself like Gumby into pretzel formations. But I don’t. I just... Read More

There’s something appealing about late nights, a liminal space between being who we *should* be at work and who we *would* be if we didn’t have to work. Even when you do “real” work late at night, there’s an odd feeling of suspension from reality. You’re out prowling your way home, cold sober and still in your work uniform, while everyone else sleeps or applies more eyeliner in the bathroom of dive bar that’s never going to be as dive-y as your reality when you lock your car doors when waiting for a traffic light under a bridge in tiny hours of the morning. Aside from working late-night... Read More

We all have that one friend…the one who says, “Let’s get the *big* bottle of tequila,” or “You wanna go birdwatching in Deadhorse Canyon?” or “I got you a new vibrator because you look so pathetic lately.” If you don’t have such a friend, please go find one. The one in my life is called Taylor and she forwarded me an email a few weeks ago with the header “wanna go?!” I don’t know where she finds this stuff. It was a promotional message from a theater company called the Pandemic Collective, “a non-profit 501(c)(3) theatre company based in Denver, Colorado, dedicated... Read More

I spend a lot of my time doing things by myself. I would like to play a team sport like soccer, but I don’t have enough social skills to handle that, and so I run marathons instead. Sometimes this singularity bothers me more than others. Mostly, I’m OK with it. It provides connections I would not otherwise make. When you venture out alone and decline the Succubus of your cell phone, the world offers you unexpected opportunities. Such was the case when I found myself without a biking buddy one Wednesday night and so I pedaled myself down to the Denver Cruiser bicycle ride all by myself.  A... Read More

Bikes are a splendid example of a thing that unites a community and offers a network of caring and support. Cities that plan and build for bicycle transit have a higher quality of life. People that ride bikes are happier than those that don’t. Bikes are the closest thing we can get to human-powered flight. This last statement is subjective, but I stand by it. Bikes are not God per se, but they are goddamned fun! This premise might come across as a bit hokey; clearly, bikes are not omniscient deities. But I really do believe in the power of bikes to do really important things in the world. For... Read More

You guyz! You guyz!! You guyz!!! One of my favorite things EVER is coming to Denver! It’s called Bike Smut, and it’s rolling through Denver on May 8. Bike Smut is exactly what it sounds like; it’s a two-wheeled celebration of sexuality and transportation. And. It’s. Awesome. I first stumbled upon this treasure of short films shortly after I discovered that I really enjoy watching creative, independent erotica in large theaters. This was a whole new world of goofy people having fun and not caring what others thought about them. I loved it. Then I found out that goofy people can have fun... Read More

Spring is in the air, which mean lactic acid is in my quads: it’s running season again. I mostly spend my time in this column talking about entertainment, but a lot of my life consists of doing stupid physical things like flogging my body over 26.2 miles of pavement in the hot (…and sweaty, and painful) pursuit of a “free” bottle of Muscle Milk and a medallion stamped with “Finisher.” I’m not sure why I do this. Running that far doesn’t yield any more fitness benefit than running half that distance. It hurts a lot. It uses up a lot of my disposable time. It may be a mental disorder.... Read More

Insomnia and I have been bitter sisters for a long time now. She knows my secrets and reminds me of them, over and over and over during the tiny hours when all sensible and peaceable people should be sound asleep. I admit that some of this is my own fault. My two favorite cocktails war it out; Sudafed and caffeine team up against melatonin and merlot. Eventually I decide that the drugs aren’t making me feel better, they’re just making me feel a different kind of bad. Then it’s back to just me and Insomnia in a monogamous, monotonous relationship. I lie awake and fester in my thoughts, or... Read More

By my current estimate*, roughly 29% of social media is devoted to decrying why social media is so terrible for us. They’re not wrong. We spend a shocking amount of time comparing other people’s carefully-curated presentations of their mundane lives to our own, known-to-be-dreary existences. People who I know are boring as dirt in real life look like rock stars online. I am not immune to this: my phone tells me that I spend upwards of two hours a day staring at it, which is far more than I have ever spent staring at any lover I have ever had. Make of that fact what you will. I bring this up... Read More

You can glean a lot of information off the walls of a dive bar toilet. I read these with some interest because they often imply curious information about women, of which I am one. For instance, you can read the walls at 3 Kings and learn that Johanna is F–ing Hot. You can take a peek into the potties at Bar Bar and learn that their bartender s–ks d–k. At the Star Bar, by contrast, it’s beneficial to keep one’s nether regions well-aired, which is not information about women specifically, but may be helpful nonetheless. I have no way to verify these statements. But I did get... Read More