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michael fassbender

Mister Movie Critic, You Could Have Saved The Audience

Imagine, if you will, a brand-new car by Tesla. The world’s top engineers have been brought in to create a vehicle with maximum acceleration and driving range and the apex of functionality. The world’s most creative designers have crafted butter-soft leather around the steering wheel, seats that are the height of ergonomic perfection without sacrificing […]

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Here There Be Xenomorphs

In the universe of Star Trek, humanity is an essential part of the vast mosaic of creation, and a pioneering spirit of discovery lives on. In the universe of Star Wars, there’s a common thread of adventure, a belief that swashbuckling and derring-do will help to seize the day. In the universe of Alien, humanity is not wanted or needed. We’re […]

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X-Cruciating

In 1995, I saw The Usual Suspects in Denver. I was 20, a callow young punk, not even old enough to drink legally. Like most people that age, I was dumb as hell, not even smart enough to know how little I knew. However, walking out of The Usual Suspects, there were two things I knew for sure. It […]

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The Apple Of His Eye

As I sit here writing this review, my iPhone rests on the desk next to me. It’s become a nearly indispensable feature of my life. I can view my hilariously low bank balance, check the weather, and catch up with friends living on the other side of the continent. I have access to a mind-boggling […]

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