Tips for being a good dater
Most singles would probably consider themselves knowledgeable about dating, simply by virtue of exposure. By the time we are all adults, most singles have done quite a bit of dating. Our perceived experience as daters may or may not be real, because many of us are still using a traditional dating paradigm in the era of digital dating. Traditional dating rules don’t always work online. If you don’t know that dating online is different than it used to be, let me offer some tips for being a good online dater.
Write something! Please write something on your profile AND in your emails. If I get emails that say “How are you?” and nothing else, I don’t respond. I have taken the time to post pics and write about my life and interests. If you can’t find something that interests you from reading my profile, we are likely not a match.
On a site like Bumble, where you only have limited characters, do not start by pondering digitally about where to start and questioning what you should say about yourself. Better to say something meaningful without using all your characters, than to say absolutely nothing in 300 characters. By the way, if you don’t know what to say about yourself, ask your friends, family or co-workers for help.
Keep it positive. Writing what ticks you off is not the way to attract love. Keep your profile positive. If you have a big non-starter, then find a way to talk about it without being rude or condescending. Otherwise, leave it out!
I recently read a delightfully funny profile that had a post script of 16 –yes 16! — things that this guy did not want to see on a match’s profile. It came across as negative and angry. If you don’t like what you see on a profile, move on! Your sermon about what you don’t like about other daters’ profiles will turn off dating prospects.
Be respectful if someone is not interested. The new rules for digital dating include the unspoken rule “no response means no interest.” Don’t send a follow up shame email if you get no response from a match. In fact, don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t think you are as awesome as you thought they were. Angry responses are a lose-lose. Not only do you look like an immature tool, but the person you have shamed will find you even less attractive than before. The rule about not burning bridges should apply. You never know when your paths will cross again, perhaps with a different outcome.
Statistically speaking, the holiday season is when many new people are signing up for digital dating. That means there are lots of people out there looking right now. Put your best foot forward and you’ll attract more dating prospects who are putting their best foot forward as well.