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Posts Tagged With ‘ salma hayek ’

 

The Perfect Laundry Movie

August 27th, 2017

I know, I owe you an explanation. A laundry movie is a film that you can see in the theater, though you probably shouldn’t. Instead, it’s a film that plays in the background while you’re folding laundry, making out, checking social media, or doing essentially anything else. You can check out for a while, but upon hearing a quip or an explosion, your attention can return to the screen and you can easily pick the thread of the story back up. As long as there has been Hollywood, there have been laundry movies. Nobody means to make a laundry movie, it just kinda happens sometimes.... Read More

Dinner Is Served

June 25th, 2017

Hey, you! Yeah, YOU. I know you. You probably don’t go out to the movies much. Assuming you take out a second mortgage to pay for tickets and restrain yourself from murdering the jackass who simply must Snapchat through the film, what would you possibly want to see, anyway? The summer is a cinematic wasteland, populated with superheroes, explosions, and fart jokes. So you stay home. You’re disappointed that there aren’t actual movies with actual plots and characters. This is the proof positive that they don’t make ’em like they used to. Only they still do. They... Read More

Wurst Heroes Ever

August 14th, 2016

First, a warning: If you’re the parent of young children, and you consider packing them into the family truckster to see the new animated film Sausage Party, purely based on the fact that it’s animated…don’t. As a parent, your job is to check out any media your kids consume before they consume it. Animation is not strictly for kids. Do your damn job. Next, a quick anecdote: A good friend of mine worked for a major airline for many years. During a company gathering, it was decided that the employees would get a kick out of a screening of the comedy Airplane. As it turned... Read More