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‘I Don’t Know’ Is A Dating Fail

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When you meet someone, online or in person, you might think the worst possible thing that they can say to you is no. The absolute worst thing I’ve ever heard/read in a dating situation is “I don’t know.”

For me, indecision is the worst situation because if you can’t decide if something in your life is worth it, it probably isn’t.  So, when I read a profile, on Bumble for example, and the guy answers the question, “What are you looking for?” with “I Don’t Know,” I swipe left!  That may seem like a shallow reason to do so, but let me tell you why.

Being indecisive is a choice.  When you haven’t done the work to determine why you are on a dating site, you are simply window shopping, not a serious buyer. Perhaps you just want an occasional companion or someone to connect with when it’s convenient. Nothing wrong with wanting that, but just say so!  “Something casual” would be an appropriate thing to say in this case. Indecision demonstrates that you haven’t looked within yourself to determine what you want and why!

Men are leaders; women want to steer.  Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying men make all the decisions. I’m saying that following our natural tendency as men and women is a great way to start a dating relationship.  Men, if you aren’t making a dating decision, then you are not following your natural desire to drive!  The Deliberate Gentleman, a dating coach I follow on Facebook, says it beautifully:  men drive and women steer.  If you have a dinner date with a woman, especially in the early days, you should choose the restaurant. Tell her where you are taking her and, if she doesn’t care for your choice, discuss where she would want to go, make a choice she agrees with and take her there. The next time you are making plans with a woman, don’t ask her what she wants to do, make a decision and lead.

You lose people you actually like.  Even when you don’t know what you want, you may meet someone you really like. They likely will not be interested in pursuing anything with you because you have not defined what or who you want, which comes across as indifferent, indecisive or, the worst, not relationship ready.  Men and women who are looking for a committed relationship will move on quickly.

You are very aware of the number of fish in the sea.  Pardon all of the fishing metaphors, but if you aren’t sure what you’re looking for, you will cast a wide net. Once someone gets entangled in your net, you might start something with them, but you will continue to look around for other options. You may not want to get off the dating site, or make any other agreement that would limit your options for meeting someone else.

Figuring out what kind of relationship you’re looking for is actually the easy part. Don’t worry about coming on too strong in your profile. Those looking for the same will be attracted to your honesty about wanting marriage or a committed relationship. On the other hand, pretending to be down for anything at all, while hoping that things will eventually move in a more serious direction is a bad idea. You will, more than likely, end up with a broken heart.

Andrea Groth Wellbeing Detective

Andrea wants to live in a world where the neighborhoods are walkable, bike lanes are plentiful, and the food is fresh, delicious and readily available.

A 20-year veteran of the health and wellness industry, she started her career in the fitness industry while earning a master’s degree in Exercise Science and Health Promotion, and then on to the burgeoning field of worksite wellness. Andrea has competed in collegiate level soccer, worked as a personal trainer, fitness instructor, wellness coach, and master trainer, climbed 14ers, and completed cycling centuries and metric centuries. All of these experiences give her the opportunity to view well-being from many different perspectives.
When she’s not helping others to be their healthiest self, you can find her at a farm to table restaurant, down dogging at the yoga studio, or experiencing the Colorado landscape on a bicycle, snowshoes, cross country skis or on foot.

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